September 26, 2013

I feel bad when I'm not appreciated. I feel terrible when people I love keep on forgetting the little things about me. When someone admitted that he couldn't be proud of me, I cried. When someone left, she carried with her that fairytale dream. 

I admit, I'm not always the optimistic girl who laughs at herself. I beat myself up, all the time. It took me a year to convince myself that I can take my masters. I worry a lot when I need to take important exams. When I meet someone new, I hardly talk. I feel that I don't have anything interesting to say. I just always have this nagging feeling that I won't be good enough on anything .. or for anyone. If I had to fight a boggart, I might need to fight myself.

Sometimes, I need a lot of convincing that I'm doing okay, and that I'm actually a wonderful person. When they say that actions speak louder than words, I still cling to words. 

I was being childish this afternoon, and then I blurted to my teammate that I might be seen just that - very playful. At the back of my mind, I was thinking that I might be seen unfit for my role. I said that perhaps, I need to change. But he said, "No, no, no, you are great." Just like that, he told me the best thing that someone ever said to me. 

I honestly feel happy on what he said. This is the side that only few people know about. Naiinsecure din ako. Hahaha. But I'll always be that bubbly, moody person to the world. Secret lang natin ito ha! :)

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