December 16, 2009

I am 24. And I don't know why it worries me. The reason of our existence in this world is providing the constant lull in the corporate design of the Master.

Sometimes, I think, I am at the edge of the cliff, waiting to fall any minute. Yet, I am holding my other foot in place, tightly nailed to the ground.Life is unfair. But I am so used to it.

When I see the stars in a night sky, I feel the desire to glow in the midst of darkness. But how many times have I considered the madness of the idea? I lost counts.

When I was a kid, I told myself, that I am going to reach for the sky. But I keep on faltering. I keep being thrown in the ground. Yet, I keep on picking myself up. It is always a challenge to see myself grabbing the edge of my dreams. It strengthens me. The feeling that I am 'almost there' pushes me to strive harder, and win. After all, I am a fighter, and a good one.

But like any other fighter, I am badly bruised. Soiled. My soul is echoing the distant cry, the call that I have so long ignored.

When I said that I don't know why being 24 worries me, I am lying. I fully know how the number is constantly reminding me of all the obstacles in the past that seems to extends in the present. Everything seems so far away. I could hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. And being badly bruised as I am, I couldn't find the right pain reliever anymore. It is starting to get into my senses. And yes, I am so afraid.

Why does being 24 bothers me? I love the independence. I love the smell of the cold winds. But I am getting burned by the fire of the sun. What have I got after all these years? What have I proven after all my battles? I am not sure. The uncertainties are killing me.

I am 24. And this, they call, is the Quarter Life Crisis.

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Uy, ko-comment siya. Yesss naman, sana nagustuhan mo ang kwento ko. =)